Recently, a friend told me that I react to things. Hearing this little statement I did exactly that and found myself irritated and thus I’ve muttered away on this point until today, when I realised how much truth there is in the light she shone on that part of my personality. I spend my time being engaged with life so I’m able to grab the highs with both hands and ride the crest. To be big, expansive and expressive in heart, movement, voice and creativity when the time is right and with the lows and the troughs I sink in to, I try to keep my movements considered and slow. To knowingly not poke the beast in case I get fully engulfed and dragged down. I need to be conscious, I need to feel, to see, to move or be still. If life throws a curve ball I need to respond to catch it and ride the wave or protect rather than throwing the ball to get the thrill of watching the explosion or to be found just sitting immobile, frozen with fear.
It made me realise that as an Artist you want to respond to the world, you need to. You want to see, hear and feel everything, then push that moment and make it in to that thing that shines the light for everyone. It brings with it a boldness and the sense of a perfect capture. You don’t want to smash the carefully curated world you live in to smithereens before it has to be shaken up. I am not a fire starter. I don’t need the drama and the heartache from tearing things apart for the hell of it. I don’t need to be the cause of the mess so that I can feel alive. I don’t need that clarification in my life. I am lucky enough to be already full up on its amazingness every single day. I feel things so hard it hurts. I search out the seeing of things that make my world sparkle so as to dampen the horrors you inadvertently stumble into, the things that rip you deep inside. I search for the stuff that fizzes my soul, that bring the light and the optimism. I love to find the things that make me curious, to think and question, to keep on searching for the next and the next. Because I answer in this way to the world around me, I have the perfect foundations for making my art. The paint, colour and texture I use all bring about a feeling when I look at them, touch them, immerse myself in them. The light and space, the tools I use and the surface I am mark making on. This feeling is what I draw on to make an image. I mirror all of these things back at the work. Capturing that gut reaction. It really is as base as that. It all helps to keep me curious, it keeps me engaged in the essence of all I encounter and being able to see the bigger picture, whilst understanding the incredible fragility of this world around me. That is what keeps me going. It keeps me exploring. It keeps me making. It keeps me responding.